Debbie & Daniel

Debbie & Daniel (Married 6 years)  -

Biggest lesson or surprise you’ve had in your marriage the last five years:

Debbie: Communication is an on-going thing.

Daniel: Trying to maintain your individuality while being in a marriage. I have seen so many of my friends fall off planet earth when they get married. So you have this view that marriage is going to make you vanish from the world and your life. This whole thing has been about being in a family with one another but also still having those interest and hobbies that are yours. A lot of people think they have to give up who they are. We got married later in life, so we were a little more established and knew who we are. It’s been great to still do our own thing, and we still have things we do together.  

Debbie: We still give each other that freedom for sure. We had a lot of bumps in the beginning. I would say the first year was hard for us.   We both owned places, so we didn’t actually move in together till after four months of being married, after trying to decide where would be the best place to live. Once we got settled in and then getting used to each other’s space, habits. That was hard.

Also, I was surprised at how I feel such a stronger sense of family now that I am married. After I got married, I have like this whole new family, and I just love that.

Advice for new couples:

Daniel: People always say: Happy wife, happy life.  I would say that is true but don’t forget about your happiness and put it on the back burner. I see a lot of guys get bitter about marriage because they give up on their ambitions and their friends. You need to be happy too and hopefully it allows you both to be happy.  They want to be conflict-free but you know that will just boil up and one day you wake up and are like I said yes to all of this. You could have avoided all that if you would have just said, you know what honey those curtains are ugly we are not getting those.

Debbie: On the flip side of that, sometimes he pushes it too far. Yesterday, when I came home with my hair chopped he straight said he did not like it. He could have said it in a nicer way.  Daniel tends to be very blunt. And I feel like when it is your wife you have to tread lightly.

At the same time, you don’t want to have too much space. You need quality time. We get into habits where we get home, eat dinner, but don’t talk. It’s like, I didn’t even look at you today. You’re just kind of there. But when he is not there, I miss him. We get used to each other in a good way.

Definitely communicate as much as you can and know that will constantly be evolving. Take time to look at each other and connect each day.  I know we need to work on that.  Our lives get so busy, and we get stressed, so you have to make sure you make time for your marriage too.

 

Real MarriagesLily Hernandez