5 Ways To Be Intentional In Your Marriage

Being intentional in your marriage is a great way to keep a healthy marriage.  Why? Because little things you work on every day make a difference. Now, I know we are all in different seasons in our relationships, but I do believe you can at least start with one of these tips listed below and benefit.

1.   Date Nights once a week. Seriously, pull out the calendar after you read this and put them in! If you are reading this and are already thinking that is impossible, I promise it’s not.  Having a date night or day date does not always have to be out of the home.  Be intentional about how you plan and add them to the calendar.  When Ivan and I discussed this blog post, he said to me, not everyone can do that, Lily. I do agree, but you can still be intentional with your calendar and say: OK, we can only get a sitter twice a month let me add those dates in now.  Also, split who plans what dates. I can't stress enough how important dates are for your relationship. You’re making sure to HAVE FUN together! Marriage should be fun!


2.    You’ve probably heard this a million times (but still don’t listen): Put the phone away! This tip was Ivan’s for this post.  I am guilty of having my phone with me more than I should, even before bed. It’s terrible and the perfect way to cause tension. After a long day of doing all the millions of things we do in our daily lives, make it a point to disconnect so you can connect with your spouse.  Which is a perfect lead into number three.


3.    Find a way to have a real conversation every day.  We are so guilty of putting our girls to bed and then relaxing in front of the television. There is no real conversation, and this leads to just going through the motions with your spouse vs. taking an interest in each other. You know how you catch up with a friend, doing the same with your partner is even more important. It keeps that friendship alive.  


4.    DO THE LITTLE THINGS! Know your partner's love language and go from there. If you have never heard of love languages, you are missing out. Find out more here.  For example, your partner's love language is acts of service, and yours is receiving gifts, but maybe acts of service don't come easy for you. However, in this case, you already have the answer to what makes them happy. Being intentional about finding ways to speak their love language will go a long way in your relationship.


5.    This one is simple but so important, be intentional about how you greet each other and how you say goodbye.  Your energy around your partner matters.  For example, as you get home, before you go in, clear your mind. Maybe ask yourself, how do I want to feel at home? How do I want my partner to feel? Sometimes (and we’ve been there) we want to get home to relax because it’s been a tough day. We walk in the door with the same stress of the day or grumpy, and that can backfire.  Next time try to remember that you need to try to change your state of mind intentionally. If you need more time to unwind, remember to communicate it to your partner.  Most likely they will give you the time, just remember to state it. It reminds me of a great quote by Dave Willis: “Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself. Not what’s left over after you’ve given your best to everyone else.”

I understand you may not be able to be this intentional every day, or not all of these tips here will come easy, but to maintain a happy marriage, all you need to do is small actions every day. Trying is vital, trying will always be appreciated in a relationship.

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