Jill & Chad
Jill & Chad:
How did you guys meet?
Jill: We met through my friend. She was dating his cousin for a little while. He was 19 and cocky. He still is, hahaha! We got married at 24, but I didn’t have Drew (their first daughter) till I was 29. So basically we were together for nine years before we had Drew.
What surprised you most after you got married?
Chad: Her ability to cook was the most surprising. Hahahaha!
Jill: Chad you did not cook either. We were twenty. We were very young! We decided not to live together till we got married, I don’t know if that changed or helped things. Chad, what is like the biggest bump that we have had? Kids definitely changed things but we try to be on the same page with the kids.
What about advice for new married couples:
Jill: I think everyone is going to think someone is beautiful or attractive, but I think a partner should really focus on their partner and the beauty of that person and not talk about other people and have idols of like, ‘that person is really hot or sexy.’ We don’t need to talk about it in front of our husband or wife. Chad has always been nice about that. I’m sure he has thought other women are beautiful and it’s fine, but don’t talk about it in front me. We just don’t do that in front of each other and I like that about our relationship. No good comes of it. You keep a confidence, respect, and love in your relationship. The marriage life is hard and it’s crazy out there, people get divorced or it doesn’t work out. People sometimes don’t support it.
Chad: What I really like about our relationship and about my wife is my ability to provide for my family and Jill does not have to work. I’m blessed in that aspect. To be able to come home from work and dinner is ready, it’s a great blessing and I think it definitely helps to have that kind of roles in the family. If everyone knows his or her roles it makes it easier for your marriage. Obviously, it’s not like I don’t help clean or anything but it helps to know I don’t have to worry about that stuff. We definitely share certain tasks together. It makes us a team.
Jill: We also write each other letters on like Christmas or Birthdays. One of his letters he wrote he felt happy and secure that he knew when he leaves the house that everything is OK at home. It’s funny I was cleaning one day, and I was like how nice that Chad comes home to a clean home. I hate to come home to a messy house myself.
Chad: I honestly do believe for the most part you work harder than I do. My job can be stressful but not like yours, Jill.
Jill: Yeah you don’t have to worry about the kids and the yelling at them or not yelling at them. You don’t have to worry about getting everything in order and the meltdowns. But that makes us a good team, he works and I work here.
Chad: It’s a lot of work to maintain the house, keep it clean and parent.
Jill: Have you seen that episode of THIS IS US, where the mom is upset and saying, I have no life with the kids? It’s funny I was telling Chad, is this going to be me? I have to do something in my life. Once my kids are raised that’s it they're gone. I told Chad when we had our first daughter you couldn’t love her more than me, hahaha! Our kids are going to grow up and it’s going to be just us again. It’s funny, but we are aware of maintaining our relationship. You have to just find a middle ground. There are certain years where it’s more about the kids. We know a couple who does date night EVERY Friday, no matter what. Even if they just go to Taco Bell or whatever.
Chad: We need to do that more!
Jill: It’s hard because I’m like why can’t we be creative and go out. But even a simple dinner is better than nothing, even a walk alone together. He doesn’t always have to be creative. I think that is what I have to focus on.
Communicating in Marriage:
Chad: I think communication is key. You have to be open with each other. You have to be willing to say and HEAR the things you don’t want to hear. No matter what in every relationship someone is going to do something that the other will not like and you may not want to hear it, but you have to be open to having those conversations. And be willing to say, OK I’m going to try to change that.
Jill: Of course as a woman, I can be sensitive sometimes about hearing what I don’t want to hear. Chad is pretty good at talking to me and sometimes I let him have it. Sometimes I let it go for a few days and then I talk to him because I think it’s better when I think about it for a while first. I know nobody wants to get their feeling hurt. I know I say certain things to him that I would not want him to say to me. Sorry Chad, I love you! Chad is like his grandpa, very sweet and patient.
Chad: I think you have to learn about the person and how they communicate. One thing that is tough and still kind of tough for me is when Jill has an issue in her life and will be talking to me about it. I don’t know if it is a male thing or something but for me I hear a problem and I’m like here is the solution, here is the solution, here is the solution! It took me a very long time to realize and I still struggle with it but she doesn’t want to hear a solution. She just wants to talk, she wants someone to listen and I just want to give solutions to the problem. Sometimes I don’t even say anything because I realize you don’t want a solution so I listen and then you're like, ‘do you even care.’ And I’m like oh my goodness. That is difficult for me.
Jill: It all depends on what it is. I think I called you yesterday to complain at work. I really try not to complain to him while he is at work, but it was about his family, hahaha!
Chad: Another extremely important part of our marriage is our religion, which is funny because I grew up not religious whatsoever.
Jill: I was not even that active in my religion at all. Then we had Drew, our first daughter that changed. It’s weird because I knew I always wanted to go back to church, and before we got married I did tell Chad if we get married would you mind getting married in the church. Then when we had Drew I knew I really wanted to go back and I asked Chad if he wanted to join me and he did. He did everything on his own. It was even more special. That is what we do now as a family and in our marriage.
Chad: One of the things we believe is eternal life. The eternal aspect of life and marriage, it changes your outlook on things. It’s sad today that the divorce rate is so high and second marriages are even worst. It’s sad because I think we live in a world right now about instant gratification. Like if you are not making me happy right now at this moment then I’m out.
Jill: It’s like where is the hard work and the commitment and the trying? Having that eternal outlook is like, hey our time here on earth is very short. We are going to be together forever so these little things that happen are just a bump in the road. It helps to have that in the back of your head. This is forever.
Jill: I do believe any religion would help any foundation in a marriage. I think it’s what has continued to help our relationship stay strong. When I hear other people say they have struggled or marriage has been the hardest thing they have ever been through, everybody has problems and have struggled, but we need to remember there are worst things than a hard marriage.